I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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