thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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