the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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