just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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