I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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