So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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