I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
