too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
