dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
