I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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