theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
