I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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