i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
