Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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