Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
