Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
