I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
