I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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