naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
