Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I want is dick and wine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
