dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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