so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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