remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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