he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
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But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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