Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
