if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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