I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
