I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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