sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
