what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
