Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think people are normalizing furries
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
