What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
