Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
