PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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