My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
