I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
