If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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