my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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