If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize