Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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