I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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