I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
