it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
