shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
