I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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