Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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