Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
