I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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