I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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