i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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