Pappa wants mamma naked
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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