I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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