You smell like a Billy Joel song
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
