just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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