apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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