they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
