we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
