I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize