Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
