first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
