We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
not ubering you a puppy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
