Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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