I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
