If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
