Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
MIDGETS
????
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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