Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize