the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
