Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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