yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
