Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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