So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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