if you like me you must not know who I am
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
