What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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