And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
