fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
