So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
