Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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