Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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