Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
