the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
