is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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