He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
