haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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