wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
