i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
