420 ftw
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this boner is exhausting
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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